COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONSHIPS IN CHINA (a simplistic view)
American and Chinese Values:
As both American and Chinese societies continue to grow and change, the following description is not the unerring standard upheld by either culture. Rather, it is meant to provide some context for situations you will encounter as your embark on creating relationships with people in your new posts.
AMERICAN
Individuality: Americans are encouraged at an early age to be independent and to develop their own goals in life. They are encouraged to not depend on others including friends, teachers, and parents.
Privacy: Americans value privacy and enjoy spending time alone.
Equality: Americans uphold the ideal that everyone “is created equal” and has the same rights. The general lack of deference to people in authority is one example of equality.
Punctuality and Efficiency: Americans take pride in making the best use of their time. Being on time is important and Americans apologize if they are late. Written laws and rules trump everything.
Informality: American lifestyle is generally casual. Greetings and farewells are short, informal, and friendly. Friendships are also casual, as Americans seem to easily develop and end friendships.
Explicit: Americans convey information through explicit, verbal means. Direct language is often used.
Direct and Assertive: Americans try to work out their differences face-to-face. They are encouraged to speak up and give their opinions. Conflict is often resolved through confrontation
Tradition: Chinese pay more attention to the past and to the longer-term future.
CHINESE
Collectivist: Chinese place higher value on group cooperation and individual modesty. They are encouraged from an early age to help each other and follow what others are doing.
Family: Chinese value family and community above all else. Chinese will often put the needs and interests of family and the group ahead of their own.
Hierarchical: Chinese are most comfortable in the presence of a hierarchy in which they know their position and the customs/rules for behavior in the situation.
Relationships and Trust: Appointments are less driven by exact start and end times. Things are not driven by efficiency and written law but by relationships and trust, causing decisions to take longer.
Formality: Protocol and bureaucracy dominate in China, causing Chinese lifestyle to be more formal. Chinese have a small number of close, lifelong friends who feel deeply obligated to give each other whatever help might seem required.
Implicit: Chinese convey information through implicit, inferred means. Use of indirect language patterns is often used.
Indirect and Passive: Chinese prefer to avoid direct confrontation, open criticism, and controversial topics. They are very concerned about maintaining harmony and “face”. Conflict is often resolved through third party.
Looking to the Future and to Change: Children are often asked what they “want to be” when they grow up. Change is often equated with progress and holding on to traditions seems to imply old and outdated ways.
Relationships in China:
Local friend
American and Chinese Values:
As both American and Chinese societies continue to grow and change, the following description is not the unerring standard upheld by either culture. Rather, it is meant to provide some context for situations you will encounter as your embark on creating relationships with people in your new posts.
AMERICAN
Individuality: Americans are encouraged at an early age to be independent and to develop their own goals in life. They are encouraged to not depend on others including friends, teachers, and parents.
Privacy: Americans value privacy and enjoy spending time alone.
Equality: Americans uphold the ideal that everyone “is created equal” and has the same rights. The general lack of deference to people in authority is one example of equality.
Punctuality and Efficiency: Americans take pride in making the best use of their time. Being on time is important and Americans apologize if they are late. Written laws and rules trump everything.
Informality: American lifestyle is generally casual. Greetings and farewells are short, informal, and friendly. Friendships are also casual, as Americans seem to easily develop and end friendships.
Explicit: Americans convey information through explicit, verbal means. Direct language is often used.
Direct and Assertive: Americans try to work out their differences face-to-face. They are encouraged to speak up and give their opinions. Conflict is often resolved through confrontation
Tradition: Chinese pay more attention to the past and to the longer-term future.
CHINESE
Collectivist: Chinese place higher value on group cooperation and individual modesty. They are encouraged from an early age to help each other and follow what others are doing.
Family: Chinese value family and community above all else. Chinese will often put the needs and interests of family and the group ahead of their own.
Hierarchical: Chinese are most comfortable in the presence of a hierarchy in which they know their position and the customs/rules for behavior in the situation.
Relationships and Trust: Appointments are less driven by exact start and end times. Things are not driven by efficiency and written law but by relationships and trust, causing decisions to take longer.
Formality: Protocol and bureaucracy dominate in China, causing Chinese lifestyle to be more formal. Chinese have a small number of close, lifelong friends who feel deeply obligated to give each other whatever help might seem required.
Implicit: Chinese convey information through implicit, inferred means. Use of indirect language patterns is often used.
Indirect and Passive: Chinese prefer to avoid direct confrontation, open criticism, and controversial topics. They are very concerned about maintaining harmony and “face”. Conflict is often resolved through third party.
Looking to the Future and to Change: Children are often asked what they “want to be” when they grow up. Change is often equated with progress and holding on to traditions seems to imply old and outdated ways.
Relationships in China:
Local friend
- May be very direct about what they think they can get from you (help them learn English, help them get to America, etc), leaving you to feel used
- May ask a lot of favors of you, without much thought to your other time commitments
- May feel the need to play the role of a family member (looking out for you during your time in China, perhaps being overprotective/cautious with your safety)
- Foreign women are often viewed as being more sexually active
- Foreign men may be seen as having money and being a Chinese woman’s ticket to a “lu ka” in the US
- Foreign men dating Chinese women is often looked down upon by Chinese men because they think they are only dating them for sex, and plan to return to the US without any intention of pursuing a long term relationship.
- Casual dating (and casual sex) is still rare in China, although on the rise (particularly in the major cities)
- Being affectionate with a platonic friend of the opposite sex is something which is not done in China and can be very quickly misinterpreted.